You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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