I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
