Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
