ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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