I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
