Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
