Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Ketchup is God's man juice
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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