I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
