at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
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