At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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