my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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