Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
