If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You ruined the universe
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
