So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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