I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
