No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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