This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
