Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
