Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
