My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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