Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
