Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
time to smoke my breakfast
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
