i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
