Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
