there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
