Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
