dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
