The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
