Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
