Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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