I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
We smell like vodka and hangover
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