dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
