Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
