You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
