I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Success! We fucked roommates!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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