If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
