Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
