we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
