I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize