After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
