I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
