she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
