He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
