Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize