the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
