I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
