whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
one might say we're banned from that church
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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