atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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