how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
