This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
