I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
