You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
