People with herpes should wear stickers.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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