The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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