i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
