He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
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