so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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