a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
