Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
True strength comes from lack of pants
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
