Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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