I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
