I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
