i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
