I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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