Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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