It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
