what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
