Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize