Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
