barbara walters just said penis...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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